Feeling sorry for myself

I know this is petty but I can't help myself. Why can everyone else have perfect, healthy babies when mine can't walk and has other things wrong with her? I know it has been almost three years but I still seem to get constant reminders of all the things that she will never be able to do. I end up grieving all over again for the things she will miss out on while I watch everyone else have children with no issues that can take dance and play any sport they want. I see people chasing after their little ones and I laugh but inside I miss that there isn't going to be much if any of that for me. Sure she has her board and eventually her chair but she can't go that fast with either of them. I will never be able to teach her how to skate or play baseball. I know there are alot of advances in things that people can do from chairs but that doesn't mean they can do everything a person with use of their legs can. 

A lot of the people that had kids the same time as Janice was born are on seconds and I can't because I have too many other concerns with Janice and financial issues to be able to even consider giving her a sibling. People say I am strong and they don't know how I dealt with and continue to deal with Janice's medical chart as it were and there are days I don't even know. 

She is my angel and just seeing her makes me smile but there is so much more I wish she could experience and do and it makes me sad.  Janice has the best out look on life I could have wished for her but is that going to last her all of her life?? I wish I knew.

Update: new place

Well we are loving our new place and everyone seems to be impressed when they see it. Janice is happy with her room and the balcony although she has dropped 3 things off the edge. The floor is quickly dirtied but just as quickly cleaned. I love being able to do laundry on my time table and not having to worry about totting Janice up and down stairs. I can do it while she is playing or watching tv or her trying to help me lol. It is cute she keeps wanting to "help".

Slowly finding a home for everything. Still a few things that I want to pick up to make things look better and give a home to some books and other nick knacks. The landlords are great the few things that needed fixing have been looked into. The top shelf for the fridge we got on the weekend; the shower and carpets have been checked. They are very good at getting to things in a timely fashion.

Again the location is beautiful, walking distance to everything from shopping to restaurants to daycare to pool to transit to parks to family. Janice will be moving rooms in September as well as aging out of Infant Developement. We also have alot of things coming up in September and not just birthdays.

Janice seems to enjoy "helping", bubbles, play dough, finger painting, and flipping through books. I wouldn't put it past her to be reading but she hasn't given me any signs of that. She is so independent and confident, she is always surprising me. Although she still only has about 2 friends and 5 cousins that she gets to do stuff with she is still a happy and smart angel.

Lesson learned make sure Janice's board is moved away from the balcony door before entering, especially when I am caring her. I stepped on it and did the splits; Janice is perfectly fine not even a bump but mommy twisted her knee and bruised her shin.

New Home

This Sunday Kevin, Janice and I moved into our new home in library square. We were further surprised by the view we got of the Kamloops Canada Day fireworks.  With the help of four friends and an aunt we got everything but the small stuff from my grandparent's basement moved in one day. We only have about four boxes left to unpack. 

Unfortunately the move was followed by my loosing my voice. I saw the doctor today he said it was nothing serious just needs some time to let the swelling around the vocal cords go down. 

It is such a nice place and we are so happy. Everyone is commenting on our nice big bedroom plus en-suite. The en-suite has shower, separate tub, toilet and sink it is a deep soaker tub and the way we have the bedroom set up you can watch t.v. while you soak. Janice has a good size room there is lots of closet space throughout. High Efficiency front loading washer and dryer included and all appliances stainless steel from microwave, dishwasher, fridge, and stove.  We also have the den set up as an office space. I think we will be really happy hear.