I find it so frustrating that when I go looking for supports and articles on the web everything is about loosing a baby or miscarrying. None of them have to do to with losing a child. They all talk about SIDS but, nothing about loosing a child that you've had time to grow and know and see their personality.
Janice wasn't just a baby or an embryo. Janice was a smart and sweet, loving little girl who loved Max, Bears, Balloons, Mike, Caillou, Curious George, Bernstein bears, and babies. She had a contagious personality that lit up a room, her cute laugh, and beautiful smile. My little blonde, blue eyed Asian was so much more that a baby, She was a bright little girl.
I feel so alone.There are so few people that will ever know what I have gone through these past 7 months. I would never wish it on my worst enemy. I don't know how I survived. I still have days when I don't want to get up or do anything. I still sometimes find myself thinking Janice is just at daycare or at Popo's, then it all comes back to me and I feel like crumbling to the floor in tears.
I wish I could have Janice back in my arms, hear her voice calling me. Listen to her try to do her alphabet that her dad was teaching her. Janice was so intelligent and innocent. She was independent and so Janice. Janice was going to do everything her way or not at all. Janice was as a friend said like Harmony Bear, Janice sang her own song to her own tune in her own time.
Janice Margaret Destiny-Ann Story will forever be missed and loved.
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