Lots on the mind

There is another going on but some of it isn't my place to say anything about. There is some good and some bad, mostly just to much on my mind. Between the happiness at Janice going on the potty to mom's news. Then there was the news from Van (that I talked about last time). My brain feels overloaded.

We are also trying to get out on our own again. There is a really nice place we are looking into. Plus we are still waiting on Janice's chair. 

Urology Testing at BCCH

I always find the trips to Vancouver Children’s hospital exhausting, especially when I have to be at the hospital for 630am. Janice has been fasting since midnight and she knows where we are, I try to keep her distracted but not always an easy task with nurses coming in and out of the room. Then she wants me to hold her as the nurses surround her to put in her iv and give her the anesthesia. She falls asleep almost instantly but I don’t want to leave as her cries still echo in my ears.

The first procedure went well although the doctor commented that her “anatomy is unique down there”; the doctors seem to love using that word with her “Unique”.  She is in recovery now and then she has another test this afternoon which they hope will shine some light on what is going with her bladder, kidney, and the rest of that region.

I feel anxious as I wait for her to wake. The doctor just came and gave us some baffling information: apparently they are still not sure if she has one kidney or a conjoined kidney; but they have discovered that she has TWO uteruses. This has confused and overloaded my brain on the ramifications and what this means for her in the future. Let alone how to tell her dad , his mom (who drove us down) offered to let him know and find out his thoughts which I am happy to let her as I don’t know what to say. Part of me feels like the day she was born and we found out about her unique condition, we were speechless neither of us knew what to say to the other as we both dealt with our grief over the hand that we had to deal with. This is not a grief more of uncertainty of what it means but the confusion of what to do and say is still the same.

We have been back at the hotel since about 130pm this afternoon. Mommy went out for coffee with a friend while Janice and Grandma relaxed and played in the room. Janice is back to her old self which mommy is happy to see. 

Trial wheelchair

 Janice only got the chair on Tuesday and yesterday she spent almost the whole day in her chair and even fell asleep in it. Today though, I feel like such a mean mother today. We were told that the chair might have to go back but it got confirmed this morning :( 

I took Janice to try out her chair at daycare. She hadn't been there for a few weeks and so it was more crying and mommy cuddling then trying it out but the size of the chair worked well for the room. The kids were interested so that might be a problem if they try to push Janice around. Unfortunately unlike her board the chair is just for her and we don't want the kids to play with it.

We went up for a quick visit to work, although we missed meeting a friend for coffee due to unable to get a hold of said friend.

Then stopped at seating clinic, unscheduled, to mention something about the chair which is when we were told that they needed it back but would order her one. They took pictures and notes so they could get it set up properly for her. She wheeled away from them and then wanted up lol. They were just happy to see that she was comfortable using the wheelchair.  Then when we were leaving and I was carrying her she noticed no one was bringing her chair and pointed back to the room and asked, "Dah?" (basic translation - what? chair?)

I explained "Chair get fixed" Which isn't a lye but I still feel bad cause she really liked the chair and now she has to wait at least a month for "HER" Chair. :( 

But at least I know she likes it and will use it she was doing really well for only having it about 48 hours. Janice could make it go forward and backward with minimal difficulty and was learning how to turn but that was the more difficult one, I think for anyone to get the hang of. 

Hopefully they will have a chair for her soon they are aiming for our Vancouver trip in May but we will see...

Janice's Wheelchair

Although I was anxious about Janice getting her first wheelchair. It seems it was for naught as she seems to be taking to it like a fish to water. She got it Tuesday morning and was making it move forward and backward on her own within hours.

This morning she tried a mild turn which she needed a little help when she got stuck on some toys. She spent most of the day in her chair and even fell asleep in it. I am pleasantly surprised and happy with how well she is taking to the wheelchair.

Another Death

I didn't think I would feel the death like this until I was older but this month... seems like there is a lot of death. The first week of March ended with my Uncle Dick passing away. Then my Uncle Earl isn't doing that well and this morning I got a call from my Aunt Lil that my Aunt Margarite passed away this morning.  I mean don't get me wrong they have all lived long lives and were in their 70's-90's.

I wish I understood why things happen but I guess that would take the fun out of living.
Somethings seem to just come out of the blue and other times you can see it coming from miles away.
It is sad and I feel lost and sometimes I wonder why things happen the way they do. I know this is a short blog but for some reason I seem to be out of words tonight.

ReStart

Sunday I decided I needed a restart. I have gotten back on doing my blood sugars 2-3 times a day and I started working out a minimum of 5 minutes a day. Today I took a walk with my mother and Janice around MacArthur Island and am not sure my legs are up to doing anything else work out wise tonight. I feel kinda bad about not doing anything besides the walk but the night is still young we will see ... maybe I will do my ipod daily ab work out.

I am packed for Vancouver. We leave on Tuesday for two nights and three days. It feels like I just got back and am going down again. At least I get a month off after this. No trip in April. However I am back down in May for urology to do some test that she is finally big enough for. That trip is happening the day before my bff's wedding so it isn't going to be that bad but it is a little exhausting going down almost every month for 6 months straight.

Janice is doing good though. She caught a little cough but it is gone after a week. She has missed about two weeks of daycare this month which I am not happy about but her health comes first. Spring is here and I find that I get down in the spring because of all the sports going on and Janice won't be able to do many of them and it can be depressing. I keep trying to come up with activities that she CAN do. She has the CAN DO spirit but there are still a lot of things that she just physically can't do. But Janice is doing everything that she can and is so positive I feel extremely lucky that she is my little angel.

Everything at once

I find myself feeling overwhelmed. Janice is finally home and out of the hospital. The last few days were to get her off the oxygen. But she skateboard and in the playroom.

Then this afternoon my grandma (Popo) got an upsetting call her younger brother was on life-support and that she should come down soon. He went into the hospital about a week ago from what I was told for pnemonia and because of an underlying disease he has had all his life it became too much for his body. I have spent several hours on the computer looking up prices and calling family and trying to arrange the trip for Popo.

She is very sad as Uncle Dicky was one of her closer siblings and she loved him very much. I feel at a loss for words on what else I can say or do to help her. I wish I could take them (my grandparents) down myself but I am tapped out between the trip to Vancouver BC Children's Hospital, and the stay in Royal Inland Hospital.

I am happy that Janice is feeling better besides a residual cough. But I also feel sad about the situation and pending death of my uncle. He was an inspiration. Despite a crippling disease he never let it keep him down. He always had a smile for me and when Janice was born he looked so proud. The wheel chair never held him back from anything he wanted to do.

You will be missed Uncle Dicky. We loved you and will live forever in our hearts.

Royal Inland stay

It was about 11pm Sundays night when Popo called down to me to take Janice up to the hospital. It made for an exhausting night complete with blood tests, iv's, and x -rays. Although I did find out something,  the reason they never say she has pnemonia is because Janice's hernia which is intestine covers the lower part or her lung.

They did mention that they could hear something in her lungs when we were admired. Dr. Van Dyke said this morning the lungs sound clear. Janice is still on a very minimal amount of oxygen tonight and her cough still sounds congested but I am optimistic that we will be heading home either tomorrow or the day after.

She is currently sleeping contently on my cot by her choice forcing me to use her hospital bed which in my opinion more comfortable but Janice seems to prefer the cot lollipop.
I hate these hospital stays but if they keep Janice healthy that is all that matters. I feel bad for missing 2 of my 3 shifts this week. But just as long as Janice feels and gets better, that is all that matters.

Vancouver trip and looking back

Well the trip to Vancouver went well. Mom went with me.She had not been down since Janice was born. First day we arrived around 3pm got into the hotel and went to go see mom's cousin Claire's son Noah, this entailed walking from Heather street to Commercial drive. Day Two we went by bus to Oakridge Center before heading to Janice's appointment at BC Children's hospital.

It was a typical appointment, they weighed and measured her, took her blood pressure, all the usual. Dr. Dan (Metzger) found the dispute one hormone being low, but in range and her length (arm span) matched her weight; which means she is growing just fine, just at a little slow but at her own rate.

While at the appointment it came up about how because of the additional water I must have been huge. It was during this discussion that my mom mentioned that I had been bigger than she had expected even with me being diabetic and she had added that I had even been bigger than a woman carrying triplets. This discussion makes me feel like I should have done something more. I got so big so fast and there were several times I thought something was off and let people talk me into comfort. My even more clumsiness, most likely due to the additional fluid. The fact that everyone kept thinking it was multiples. Was I a bad mom for missing it? Should I have done something differently?
Since then I have been feeling inadequate.

After the appointment we went back to the hotel to drop our shopping off before heading to China town, then to gas town and the Old Spaghetti Factory for supper with the cousins on Popo's side: Mike, Mitch, and Mark. Then back to the hotel for the night and heading home early the next morning. Slow and steady was the trip as the first leg was snowing but after passing the summit it was more rain and we were home by 4pm.

Back down for March 29th.
That is all for now.

Show of Hearts 2012

Well. the Variety Show of Hearts telethon was on this weekend. Although Janice wasn't on it there were alot of well deserving families and children on this year. There was a few teens that had been injured during sports that needed the help of Variety the Children's Charity. It is always amazing the things that Variety is able to do for those in need.

I have my own little "I Can" little girl. Janice shows me on a daily basis that she isn't going to let anything stop her. Whether it is going up and down stairs; booting around on her skateboard; climbing up and down the fireplace and couches; or just her optimistic smile she always makes me smile.

I was hoping this year they would get over 8 million but this year they got less then last years total. They only got about 6.753 million. Last year they got close to 7.7 if I recall correctly. Either way 6 million is still a lot of money and will help a lot of kids and families. They also told about the opening of Janeece place in Victoria. A home away from home for families getting treatment in Victoria.