Why did I have to loose my little girl? What did I do wrong? What did I do to deserve having to loose my little girl, Janice? I loved her. I cared for her. I would have done anything for her. She was so full of life, I don't understand. I wish I did. I wish that I could hold her and hug her and tell her how much I love her again.
It feels like she is fading into my memory. It is hard to hear Janice's voice. I can see her smile and even her laugh in the pictures. But they like Grumpy are just substitutes and poor substitutes at that. Nothing and no one can nor could they ever replace my little angel monkey. Janice was so determined and independent, she wouldn't have let anything stop her. Janice was such a bright soul to anyone she met and now she is gone.
It has been almost 11 months and again I sit hear crying over a keyboard, pouring my thoughts out onto a digital piece of paper and wondering if anyone will remember Janice in a few years.
I know I will but the rest of the world moved on so fast after her passing that I wonder if anyone outside of her family will remember Janice Margaret Destiny-Ann Story's short, beautiful, amazing little life and how much she meant to us.
With each passing day, each holiday, each event that occurs I cry another tear knowing it has been that much longer since I was forced to say good-bye to Janice and my heart breaks all over again.
I know few can even fathom what I am going through let alone understanding the pain I feel on a daily basis. I get to watch all my friends and family having their happy perfect families and mine will forever be one short. I don't know if it is the truth that hurts more or the fact that no one not even family seems to understand how hard this is for me. That Christmas is no longer about Santa and presents and family but the last memories that we were able to make with Janice.
Sometimes I swear I can still hear her voice but when I go looking there is no one there. There will never be someone there. Everyone posts that they wish their children could stay children forever and all I want is to have my Janice back and to watch her grow up and see all the amazing things that she would be doing.
I loved Janice. I wish I had spent more time with Janice. I wish I had more time with Janice. Even if I had just one more day with Janice to make sure she knew... that she knows how much I love her and miss her and what a difference she made in not only my life but those around her. Even if no one else remembers Janice her mommy and daddy will and she will forever be in our hearts, our memories and the story of her life engraved in our hearts.
Why?? Why did I have to loose my little girl? What did I do wrong? What did I do to deserve having to loose my little girl, Janice? I loved her. I cared for her. I would have done anything for her. She was so full of life, I don't understand. I wish I did. I wish that I could hold her and hug her and tell her how much I love her again. Parents shouldn't outlive their children.
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