Emotions

This move has been emotionally draining on me. I can’t stop thinking about Janice and what she should be doing, even thinking about baby seems to bring on the worries and what ifs. How am I suppose to make it though this? I still have two weeks left of work, which they are keeping my hours up  but I am just so drained and low I just want to curl up and cry. No one understands. I feel so alone. I am doing all I can to hold myself together and still barely holding on. I miss Janice so much and I feel so lost without her. The impending anniversary is like knowing that the end is near and there is nothing you can do to avoid it.

This time of year is heart breaking between Halloween and Christmas. Everyone taking pictures and posting pictures of their kids in costume or with Santa. The stores filled with families. Everyone tells me wait till next year, next year doesn’t help with this year. I feel like screaming but instead I end up crying. I am at work and barely functioning. I can’t afford to go home. I feel broken.

So many people say I am strong but I am barely hanging on. This pregnancy has me happy and sad and everything in-between all together. I feel so strung out and there is nothing I can do about it. I feel so helpless and scared that I will have to go through it all over again. I pray that Janice is looking out for her sibling.