I am finding that so many things remind me of Janice. Whether it be people talking about their children doing things that Janice should be doing or watching Abbygail do things for the first time or just thinking of what/where Janice should be now in her social and arts & craft stages. I remember how Janice's pronunciation of "snow" came out more like "nose"; how proud Janice looked as she copied Daddy saying her alphabet.
Janice would be regularly bringing home art projects from school and would be looking forward to Kindergarten this fall. She would be more engaging and talking more. I can sometimes hear her saying "baby? baby!" when I am holding Abby. I wish I could see how much Janice would have grown in both mind and body in the past year, she was such a smart little girl.
Abbygail is showing that she doesn't just look like her sister but she is quite quick as Janice as well. At just over a month old Abby is rolling on to her side and even trying to hold her bottle on her own. Abby sleeps about 5-6 hour stretches at night. She is still eating almost all EBM but I think she is getting close to eating more than supply.
I haven't really posted on my blog in awhile because I am trying to keep it positive but I still struggle some days with my grief and those I keep in my private/personal journal. The tears aren't as frequent but I still miss Janice and I always will, I don't know how many of those reading this will actually understand what I mean. Then there is the stupid government that stopped paying me at the beginning of February to re-evaluate my claim as it is no longer medical but maternity. Frustration is setting in as I need that money. They say they should have a decision as of March 10th but that doesn't help me today. Stress and grief can really take their toll especially when you are also dealing with physical pain, my back is feeling better but my right rib is still painful. Most likely muscle pain but have an ultrasound on the 4th to rule out gallbladder.
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