As the days grow numbered until Janice's sister joins this family I find I still have moments when all I can do is think about Janice. I find myself reminiscing about those first few months and how much I loved Janice from the first time I saw her in the incubator and how Janice felt in my arms the first time I held her. Janice screamed the whole time and there were two nurses standing ready to catch her as she tried to fling herself from my arms as I held her to my chest.
I wonder what toys and things Janice would be telling me were "hers" and which ones her sister could have. I wonder what questions Janice would be asking. I think of how Janice would sit on the bed when she was brought in to meet her sister and can almost picture her big smile. Janice would have been so proud and happy to have a little sibling. I could almost see her trying to give them a ride on her board. Can you picture Janice trying to hold the baby that will probably be almost as big as she would be?
Oh how I miss Janice and wish that Janice was here to see her sister. Janice would have made such a wonderful big sister and knowing her trying to help with everything. In 2-3 weeks Janice will be a big sister and the saddest part is that she isn't going to be here for it. I won't get the pictures of the two of them meeting for the first time. I won't get the pictures of them together. I didn't get the joy in telling Janice she was going to be a big sister and have her ask me all the questions a 4 year old asks.
Janice will be a big sister but her little sister will never know her. She will never know the love, spirit, determination, or light that Janice would have shared with her. She will never know how Janice would have stood up and protected her. This baby is not an only child but they will never know what it is like to have an older sibling.
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