One saying that got me through Janice's birth was that God never gives you more than you can handle. It doesn't let you know how close to your limit he will push you. I thought finding out that Janice was special needs and I realized all the hardships that came along with it; but I got past it I found a way to smile back at that little angel. I found a way to look to her future with a smile. I thought that was all I could handle. I didn't know how I would get through those first few months.
I am now back at that spot, wondering how to get through each day. My life seems like there is no purpose anymore. My baby was taken from me with no rhyme or reason. I feel drawn to Touched By An Angel and Twice In A Lifetime, shows that god is here and loves us. It makes me wonder why he didn't save my daughter. There are so many memories, yet I find myself mourning the moments I will never experience. I missed out on so many things like first steps but I cheered Janice on as she learned to crawl on her own, when she climbed the steps for the first time. I never let her believer that there was anything she couldn't do.
It would be so easy to give in but I couldn't leave my friends and family mourn two when I have a choice. But my heart aches to be with Janice, to hold her in my arms again. I don't think I will ever understand why I live while she didn't. I keep asking myself so many questions and I have no answers for any of them.
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