I used to dread days that I was off and Kevin worked and Janice was at Daycare. I just hated being home alone. Now even with the tv on and Kevin here it seems even more deafening. The silence. To look around and know that Janice isn't coming home. That she won't finish unwrapping her Christmas gifts. Won't ask for "bears" anymore or play with her toys. The hardest part is not hearing her board as she rolls out of her room calling "mom" or "da". Not hearing her voice anymore. That beautiful joyous laughter that contagious smile that melodious voice.
I keep asking why God took my angel away. What I did to deserve loosing my baby so young. Everyone tells me there is a reason or God bless or something else to try to comfort me in my darkest moments but if God were to bless me he wouldn't have taken my baby away from me.
She was everything that made this world worth living. Every ray of sunshine in my life and now I have to stumble in the darkness not knowing what is coming next.
There are no answers to for things that happen to good people or innocent children. There is no sense to be made of senseless actions or times. As much as I don't understand him or his actions I hope God is keeping my baby safe in the arms of the angels and that he keeps her happy until I can hold her again and tell her how much I love her and miss her.
Life isn't fair but as long as I can believe my baby girl, my angel, my monkey is happy I just might be able to find away through this darkness and into the light again.
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