Lucky?

When Janice was born it was terrifying. Not sure what was going to happen, Not knowing if she would survive because we didn't know all that was wrong with her. Then when we got her home and she slept through the night, to the point that she worried some. People from friends to relatives told us we were lucky. When Janice was the best travelling child, again we got told that we were lucky again.

Now as I sit mourning a child while those that told me I was lucky are still holding and snuggling their children. Who is the lucky one? As I am trying to figure out how to get through another night without, who is the lucky one?

Define lucky: 

Adjective Having, bringing, or resulting from good luck: "a lucky escape".

Synonyms fortunate - happy - successful - providential

How is loosing a child at the young age of 3 lucky? I would rather have spent the last 2 years up half each night or I would have enjoyed many a trips with her screaming or annoying me to death to have her back in my arms. 

The moms that complain about anything their children do I envy. I would trade almost anything for another day with Janice.